One of the most overused statements that I hear at the start of the therapy process is ‘I can’t’, ‘I can’t lose weight’, ‘I can’t get over her/him’ and ‘I can’t stop these panic attacks’ ….. I could be here some time with the various ‘I can’t’ statements but you get the idea.
The reason for this blog is in part to an experience I had in the gym! Bear with me! I have told myself for years that I have no upper body strength and that ‘I can’t do a proper press up’, but today’s visit was slightly different. Without thinking I started doing a full push up, I made no conscious decision to do this but at the point of realising what I was doing you would think that I would have congratulated myself on my new and improved performance! But no I did 4 (yes 4) before I even realised what I was doing but at the point of realising I stopped because ‘I can’t do a full push up’ can I?
How do we move away from the motivation sapping ‘I can’t’ into a more motivational ‘I can’ and therefore helping us to achieve what we want to achieve? For me more push ups!
When most people are dealing with negativity in their life the general focus will be on the negative (I can’t) and like a dog with a bone their subconscious mind will seek this out highlighting that they are right, the world around them is a negative place and reinforcing the ‘I can’t’.
So to change focus we need to change language from negative to positive, our subconscious seeks out what we ask of it, have you ever wanted something so badly (car, relationship or a certain colour pair of shoes/jacket) and from that moment on you see adverts for that car, couples walking hand in hand or everyone appears to have those colour shoes or jacket but you!
In showing your subconscious what you want it scans to seek what you are looking for and highlights it to you. If you understand this then you will start to ask your subconscious to seek what you want rather than what you don’t want, or ‘I can’ rather than ‘I can’t’ because if you are telling yourself ‘I can’t’ then guaranteed your subconscious mind will show you every reason and excuse why you can’t do something, my subconscious flashed up the ‘you can’t do press ups’ even though I was doing them.
Remember that your subconscious mind won’t argue with you, when you say ‘I can’t do that because I’m a failure’ your subconscious mind doesn’t respond ‘don’t be silly of course you’re not a failure remember when …’ instead it will seek to reinforce all the reasons why you feel that you are a failure and present them to you and it won’t sugar coat it for you either.
So when faced with making a decision let’s go with the ‘I can’, in doing that our subconscious mind will present all the ways in which we can achieve what we want, it will highlight people that may be able to help us, it may show us a great book that would help. But just telling ourselves that we CAN achieve will set us on the right path, imagine saying ‘I CAN lose weight’, ‘I CAN stop these panic attacks’ or ‘I CAN get over him/her’ doesn’t that already set you on the path knowing that you are moving forward rather than staying stuck or viewing your life from the past?
Viewing your powerful subconscious as that all important dog with a bone, do you want it to go and fetch you lots of lovely positive stuff or do you want it to go and search for the negativity that you so desperately are trying to steer clear of? The choice is yours
If you would like to learn more then please consider working with me, I can help you address any issue that maybe keeping you stuck regardless how complex this may be. More information can be found at www.the-therapy-room.co.uk including full contact details.